People continue to read this blog thus I feel compelled to update it periodically. Can I just tell you how incredibly happy I am? Look, I'm full of shit. I was just saying a couple weeks ago that my happiness is not contingent on my relationship status with Billy, but that is a lie.
Sure, I could be happy with out him... it would probably take years. Who knows? I get asked out... a lot. I say no... always. So I havent really opened myself up to the possibility of being with another man let alone falling in love with one. I don't want to. I just want him. When I don't talk to him for a while I feel despondent. But after he called me last night and we talked, well I still feel elated and so looking forward to seeing him again. Less than 3 weeks now!
It's so likely we will be together again and I find myself daydreaming about our impending life together in California. It feels me with such joy and excitement. In the meantime, there is much work to be done and money to be made to make the aforementioned a reality. It's possible, but it won't be easy.
I got to visit with my grandfather for a bit today. I realized how much he's aged and felt a pang of fear that he and my grandmother may not be around for that much longer. I could be wrong, but I did lose my Grandma Hoffman last May. I'm definitely not ready to lose my last 2 remaining grandparents! I love them so much.
Six months ago, my life was so lonely and depressing. I has very few friends or had just lost touch w/ some of the ones I did have. And I didn't think I would ever see Billy again. I had gotten fat from excessive ice cream consumption. Haha. Things are so much better now. My last trip to Cali really helped me. More than seeing Billy, spending time with Michelle and Cassie was also really reaffirming that I have value as a person and as a friend. I was really lacking in feminine energy in my life. And then I reconnected with Lorelei here and made friends with Lauren. I feel so blessed to have some really good friends!
I am starting a 2nd job this weekend and a 3rd next week. I will have zero free time which is good b/c I will be spending lesson recreational activities. Work and sleep. But California is the endgame. I'm a very driven person and if I want something bad enough, I'll make it happen. So here I go.
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