Monday, December 14, 2009

numinous proclamation


November of 2009 was the month I woke up and embraced my transmutation. Enmity residing within took precedence over my goals, but only temporarily. My words were not warranted (entirely) and the behavior... pues... I am mercurial as fuck. I just am and it is often not within the confines of my self control. 



I consider the nefarious white horse an Austin persuasion. At least it is for me. The people and places associated with using it is what historically drew me back in, not the drug craving itself. It's a "when in Rome" kind of attraction. My problem is not the booze or the drug, it is substance and sheer lack of temperance. Depending on substance for happiness gives way to the loss of identity.



Losing yourself to drugs and alcohol gives way to malevolent sin... in many forms, but most notably lust, greed, and the notorious deluded grandeur. I have been guilty of all the aforementioned... superfluously. Fuck... I never said I was perfect. Far from it, I am flawed! Imagine that! Admitting shortcomings should not make one subject to being scapegoat, outcast, or black sheep by default. Mistakes should not be thrown in one's face time and time again by their loved ones. Mistakes are a personal thing, for the most part, where an individual allotted free will by society is allowed the opportunity to learn from the consequences of his or her actions. This works... so long as the decisions of an individual are not injurious to others.



Out of control? I am an adult fully capable of making my own decisions. Loving someone and helping them, does not entitle one ownership or control over the person... nor does status. I do not recall signing away my rights. Quite the contrary, I coveted my freedom long before I was able to stake claims to my personal independence. Material possessions should not be used as expedients for emotive leverage. Yes, I suffer from Bipolar II Disorder (not Bipolar I) and my ability to admit that openly should not change the way that people treat me, but it does. The stigma associated with the illness is the real problem. The past four months of my life have been HELL and the way my family and so-called friends have treated me has been despicable. What gives you the right? I feel as if I've been stripped of my legal rights just because I've been in some vulnerable positions... jobless, depressed, with out a home (but never a couch, thank god), and drowning in absolute despair.



I know I am a good and capable person that deserves happiness. I am not letting anyone stand in my way.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

There is no place like home...


...and it might be here.

Might be there!

Might be... Anywhere...

Away from violence...
Let's finish a damn sentence...
Away from delusions...
Illusory illusions.

Home is where the heart is...

The heart is where the sun sits...

(def. Not where the monster shits [heh}))))

convoluted sexuality
mélange of entitlement "propriety"...

I love him. I shall wait.

In the meantime... I shall date..

As for MY life...

'twill be great.

-me

ps narking is rather GAY!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

my newest and scariest stalker yet

Sent me this text and facebook message this morning: "When I see you again I'm going to beat the shit out of you and rape you. got it?" His name is Allen Delgadillo. He has a B.S. in Biology from Texas State. He gave me a ride to find my lost keys at Creekside and then we had some beers at Shangra-La. He seemed "ok", but pretty invasive and a bit creepy. At that point I was texting friends to get me away from him. I got him to take me to Starseeds where he started rubbing his creeper foot on my leg and I immediately demanded he stop. He gave me a deluded smile and kept at it. I was terrified. I called my friend Norm from the bathroom and saw Allen get up in a rush to leave.. I said "make sure you don't leave with my phone"... He left.., tipping only $1 for his food (I ordered none). The next day he commenced with super psychotic harrassment. I tried to be reasonable to get my phone but gave up upon realizing how dangerous he is. The police report case number from today is: 09-2271133. Ugh... So scary!!!! :-(

Thursday, August 6, 2009

i found my king.


some gay ass poetry i wrote w/ links to pics and junks and stuff


I would like to manumit your soul
free you w/ harbinger fists
I never stole from you
I gave you an infinite kiss
I gave you booze and lovins...
I had to leave that day
I earn my keep
I make ends meat
I work hard long and through
I survive
I'm not a wife
No boy be wantin' me
I'm just too smart
and too fucked up
Never a bride to be
I'd like for you..
to stop right there and take stock
analyze
be happy and i'll keep you round
friend or foe
well have it out
party til the break of dawn
roof tops, booze bottles
shiny roundabouts...
throw kegs in pools
flotational devices
expedients to fun
radically maxim artifices
Explicate your reasons
Do not always analyze
Hear me and just listen
I've not lead a perfect life
Surprise, nor have you
for we are only human
Our souls go for a ride...
On this ever revolving cyclic universe
Ridiculous rollercoaster ride
This ever revolving pattern of existence...
but we can just refer to it as "LIFE".

Live well and prosper. You may be a king.
But I will NOT be your Queen.

by: lena batman (the artist formally known as lena sheree hoffman)

Monday, May 18, 2009

Leenie's Fitness, Weight Loss, & Health Tips

Exercise

Depending on what your goals are there are different things you should focus on, but ultimately your work out should include 
cardio, weight training, and core work. Also, always remember to stretch before or after... I am really bad about this.

If your aim is to lose a lot of fat, then 
cardio, cardio, cardio. Find your favorite cardio machine and get at it. I suggest doing it at a time some of your favorite programs are on TV so time will fly and you are still spending time watching TV, but you are burning mega calories in lieu of sitting on the couch. My favorite is the elliptical machine where you also move your arms and there is a bit of an incline. It is low impact on the knees and for me, time seems to fly on it. I can spend 3 hours on it easily, but that is definiately not necessary. Try reading instead of watching TV and see what you like better. Depending on what I read, sometimes time seems to fly when I am pretty interested in the material. I always choose the "fat burn" setting b/c it will alternate between low and high intensity. I also really like the stationary bike. I suggest an hour of cardio a day and more if you're aiming to lose more than 10 lbs. Pick your favorite cardio machine (ellip, tread mill, stationary bike, or go for a jog) and then try out the stairmaster. It will kick your ass! Start out doing about 10 minutes after a vigorous hour of cardio. The stairmaster does wonders for your buttocks and thighs. It is intense and you will be drenched w/ sweat after only 10 minutes.

Now for 
weight training... I like to do a combination of free weights and weight machines. For weight machines, I use 2 varieties of back machines (works your whole back, anterior deltoids, and biceps), 2 varieties of the chest machine (chest muscles, posterior deltoids, and triceps), the "spread your legs" machine where you have your legs on the outside of the things and you push your thighs in (works inner thighs) and your legs on the inside of the things and you push your thighs out (works ass, outer thighs, and back thighs), the ass machine where you lay on your stomach and push one leg up at a time (this can also be done on your hands and knees w/out weight), etc. You can find any other machine to work out specific areas of your body that you need to work on. For all the aforementioned, I do 3 sets of 10. I then move on to free weights. I get 10 lb weights and do bicep curls with a lunge and alternate each leg. I then do about 20 squats and move on to an overhead press with lunges. It is very important to do these correctly. Lunges should be done so that the knee does not pass the toe and legs are lined up pretty straight. Squats should be done so that knees do not bend, but rather the ass descends moving backward. You will feel the burn! I do some shoulder work where my arms are down on either side of my body and lifted still extended and not bent at an angle slightly in front of me. It doesn't take a lot of weight to feel the burn for this... if you're a weak girl like me 5 lbs should suffice. I am all about push ups so I usually do about 20.Core work: For my obliques I use the side crunch stand, where your body is basically at a 45ish degree angle and hold a 10 lb. weight to do intense side crunches. Linds and I call them the MTE's: Muffin Top Eliminators. I no longer have a muffin top so these babies work! I also use the regular crunch stand where your legs are elevated and you're head is close to the ground. You can do a variety of ab exercises on this stand. I do basic crunches holding a 10 lb. weight, pulses at the very top of my crunch, side crunches, and hold the weight while I am in a half sit up and move my arms from side to side pretty fast. Do planks! Try to do 3 1-minute planks. I usually do them w/ my arms extended, but you can do them bent if you wish. I do a 1 minute plank on both sides of my body where I have one hand on the ground and one hand to the ceiling and my legs extended w/ one foot in front of the other on the ground. Try to make your body as straight as possible for this. There are several different pilates move that I will incorporate to my work outs. If you don't know a lot about pilates, I recommend Windsor for beginners... they have short 30 minute videos that are pretty excellent. Also, you could start taking classes at your gym or somewhere in your area. Yoga is great for your core, too.

Supplements

I am all about the supplements and will tell you the ones I take and why...

Green Tea

I take green tea pills that include caffiene. Green tea contains polyphenols that have been shown to reduce cholesterol and reduce heart disease. Among these, the active ingredient EGCG increases fat oxidation during a work out and reduce the spikes in blood sugar when taken with meals (one of the main issues with the low-carb craze).  I have been taking it for years and I love it!

Cayenne Pepper Supplement



Note: this is not for everyone... those prone to acid reflux or that have sensitive stomachs... stay away. Take with a substantial meal! I take 3 of these pills a day. They increase your metabolism by about 25%. Cayenne contains capsaicin which is a natural stimulant that gets your blood flowing improving your circulatory system, intenstines, stomach, and heart. It has a decent amount of Vitamins A and C. I love this stuff!

CLA: Conjugated Linoleic Acid


In addition to having antioxidant and anti-cancer properties, studies have shown that CLA reduces body fat (especially around the abdomen) and keeps body fat cells from increasing in size.

Goji Berry Juice


I take a 1 ounce shot of this whole food supplement for the following reasons:

Goji Juice has been traditionally used to alleviate the following conditions:
to strengthen the heart and alleviate heart palpitations
fights insomnia and forgetfulness
contains polysaccharides which control the pituitary glands that produce HGH (human growth hormone) which is a powerful anti-aging hormone
can be used by pregnant women to alleviate morning sickness.
Has in clinical trials shown a partial reversal in sexual dysfunction in seniors
Used to boost the function of the immune system
Has some anti-cancer properties and has been successfully used to treat hepatitis-B
Has been used successfully for weight loss
Helps the body detox, cleans the blood and build the immune system.
Here are some facts about this marvelous fruit:
They contain 19 amino acids including the 8 essential amino acids.
They have 21 trace minerals including zinc, calcium, germanium, selenium and phosphorus
B vitamins
Has more Beta-carotene than carrots (which converts to vitamin A) and has a complete spectrum of antioxidants.
Has vitamin E which is almost unheard of in fruits
Has 500 times more Vitamin C by weight than oranges
It contains the anti-inflammatory agent beta-sitosterol which lowers cholesterol and takes care of sexual health
They have essential fatty acids such as omega 6 and linoleic acid that regulate hormones
Has anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties
sourceDigestive Enzymes

I recently began chewing papaya digestive enzymes after my meals to aid in protein digestion to make sure I get the most out of my foods. Thanks to Dell for this recommendation!

Diet

What you put in your body is very important! Everyone is different so I can't really tell you exactly what to eat. Personally, I have a diet high in protein (50+ grams per day), fruit, vegetables, and about 2 servings of whole grains per day. I make a shake with raw brown rice protein, a frozen banana, HEB Mootopia Chocolate Milk, and 2 tbs. of peanut butter and this amazing protein packed shake tastes like a chocolate-peanut-butter milk shake! So good. It is especially good before or after a vigorous work out. Eat as many fresh fruit and veggies as you can to get your fiber, antioxidants, etc. All the good stuff! Beans, lean meats (turkey, chicken, etc.), tofu, eggs (no more than 2/day), etc. are great sources of protein. Try to minimize your intake of refined sugar and white flour. Don't eat anything that contains trans fats... even if its a trace amount. Drink lots of water. Tons. This is so important. To reduce snacking in between meals I recommend Special K protein water... 5 grams of protein and 5 grams of fiber will keep you going and minimize cravings. For women, Luna bars make a great lunch or snack.
Other Tips:

Get plenty of 
rest!!!

Take a 
multivitamin.

Take the stairs in leiu of the elevator.

Ride your bicycle!!! It's so much fun it doesn't even feel like exercise, plus its good for the environment.

Nivea Goodbye Cellulite: This stuff is incredible and has totally worked for me!

Stay full! It is important to have 3 meals w/ small snacks like fruit, veggies, nuts, whole grain crackers & low fat cheese, protein water, etc. in between them so that your metabolism stays revved and you don't go into starvation mode. Use this daily calorie intake calculator to figure out the calories needed for you to stay at your current weight and subtract by 500 and use that as a guideline for daily caloric intake. Use this BMI calculator to figure out if yours is in a healthy range (18.5 - 24.9), and if it is not... try to get it there!

Be positive and keep at it. Results take hard work and it will be hardest at first to get into the routine. It can take some time at the beginning to start shedding the lbs. You may wanna take measurements b/c you normally will lose inches before pounds. Once you start to build that lean muscle through weight training and core work, you will become much friendlier w/ that evil scale b/c muscle aids in burning fat.

Anyway, this is why I'm hot! Hehe. My body rocks b/c of all the aforementioned so good luck on your fitness journey. If you have any questions or suggestions, I would love the feedback.

-leens