It's been about a year since my boyfriend attempted to end my life. So much has happened since that time, it feels like Russ tried to kill me 5 years ago. I haven't seen him since that night. He is not allowed to call me, text me, give messages to friends to tell me, come near me, etc. It was the most painful break up that I have ever had. Having my partner of nearly 4 years attempt to take my life and then never to see him again sans closure... well, it was not an easy ending.
I forgave him though. It took a few months. I wasn't angry about him trying to kill me. I was angry that he was gone. I was angry that he was sick. I was angry that he loved alcohol more than he would ever love me. Mostly I was hurt. I'm so glad it is over now. I think of him sometimes and I hope he is better. I hope he is happy and healthy. I also hope that I never have to see him again. It would be far too painful.
If you had told me a year ago that I would be living in LA again, I would not have believed it. But here I am and I'm starting to feel happy. I'm sleeping well. I'm taking good care of myself. I'm working and I'm making new friends who are great people. The loneliness I have been struggling with since Russ and I split up, it is starting to subside.
I had another very bad break up in April. A man I had let move in to my home had siphoned off about $5,000 of my saving and then beat me up pretty badly before absconding with what was left of my dignity. My mind is just now recovering from the xanax (40 extra strength bars), ketamine, acid, cocaine, and whatever else of Brian Graham's drug stash I had found in my apartment that he had left behind. I took all those drugs to end my pain and also my life after he stole all my savings and attacked me.
I'm so lucky that I have a short term memory again. It is still foggy and I struggle a lot trying to remember things I knew moments before. Names are the hardest for me to remember. But I am getting better every day!
The aforementioned events have not broken me. They have made me stronger. Most importantly, they have made me wiser about the people that I let in to my life. I have a lot to offer as a friend and I'm grateful that I have some good friends to enjoy life with now. Life is too short to be surrounded by people who do not love or care about you. <3
