Half way through Friday and I'll get to celebrate the cessation of a long ass week. One week from now exactly I'll be in LA... possibly hiking Runyon with Michelle or visiting Dustyn and River. I can't wait!!! I actually got up at 5am and hit the gym. For some reason I was wide awake extra early and I made the most of it. Sparkle and I also had a nice walk after the gym. She stopped to sniff every other thing so it wasn't a very long walk. Haha. Love that girl.
I've decided to put my lunch hour to use by walking this week and it's been great. I've been getting about 10,000 steps a day. It's not good to be so sedentary all day in an office. I am close to my fitness goals and need to keep it up.
Tonight should be fun. Supposed to get together w/ my girlfriend for dinner and maybe a couple drinks. The rest of the weekend I will be busy doing demos and pet sitting for my parents. I really hope the time flies til next Friday! 💗
Friday, October 20, 2017
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
busy AF
I was driving to my evening job and the sky was a dark blue resembling the ocean. I can't wait to plunge in to it next week... in the form of a plane to Los Angeles. Aside from that long weekend in LA if you're wondering what I am doing any point in time for the next few months the answer is: working or sleeping. There will not be much in between. The goals have been set and I'm determined to meet them. There are much bigger things that I want than just relocating to Los Angeles. I long to use my degree and have a career where I am making a decent living while protecting or improving environmental conditions. All I can really do now is stay positive and keep working hard at what I am doing right now.
Camp Flog Gnaw is a little over a week away and we still don't have a schedule! How frustrating. I just wanna know when Lana is playing so I can plan that weekend accordingly. I have been bringing my lunch to work every day and cooking dinner a) to save money and b) to lose weight. At 128 lbs I look good, but not great. I want to be super in shape, but my evening job will solve that quickly. Walking up and down stairs. My weekend jobs as brand ambassador (for an awesome charitable dog food and for different types of liquor) pay really well.
My scrimping and saving will be rewarded on my mini-vacay though! I plan to eat a lot of awesome food while I am there... hopefully accompanied by Billy. I should be spending most of the weekend w/ him, but at this point I have learned to expect the worst from him. He may go AWOL as soon as I get to LA and ghost me yet again. I really hope that doesn't happen, but if it does I will know it's definitely time to let him go and open myself up to the idea of being w/ another man. I'm hopeful, but realistic.
To be honest, yes I am very excited to see him for longer than 2 hours. For the first time in almost exactly a year. We can get high, have sex for hours, go have an awesome dinner somewhere, eat donuts in bed, wake up and go eat brunch, hold hands, make out, etc..... Yeah I really hope all that and more awaits.
I miss my LA besties a lot. I'm pretty damn lonely in Austin aside from a couple cool friends.
Camp Flog Gnaw is a little over a week away and we still don't have a schedule! How frustrating. I just wanna know when Lana is playing so I can plan that weekend accordingly. I have been bringing my lunch to work every day and cooking dinner a) to save money and b) to lose weight. At 128 lbs I look good, but not great. I want to be super in shape, but my evening job will solve that quickly. Walking up and down stairs. My weekend jobs as brand ambassador (for an awesome charitable dog food and for different types of liquor) pay really well.
My scrimping and saving will be rewarded on my mini-vacay though! I plan to eat a lot of awesome food while I am there... hopefully accompanied by Billy. I should be spending most of the weekend w/ him, but at this point I have learned to expect the worst from him. He may go AWOL as soon as I get to LA and ghost me yet again. I really hope that doesn't happen, but if it does I will know it's definitely time to let him go and open myself up to the idea of being w/ another man. I'm hopeful, but realistic.
To be honest, yes I am very excited to see him for longer than 2 hours. For the first time in almost exactly a year. We can get high, have sex for hours, go have an awesome dinner somewhere, eat donuts in bed, wake up and go eat brunch, hold hands, make out, etc..... Yeah I really hope all that and more awaits.
I miss my LA besties a lot. I'm pretty damn lonely in Austin aside from a couple cool friends.
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
donuts are delicious
Last night Todd and I went to a free stand up comedy show at Gourdoughs and got the most amazing cheesecake stuffed donut w/ strawberries. Then we witnessed a seriously painful heckling interaction between a douchebag and a comedian (Christina Parrish) where she ended up annihilating his vape puffing idiot ass. Hehehe.
It is so gorgeous outside I should go for a walk on my break. I'm training someone at work (AGAIN) and dear god, it is brutal. The only thing more boring than what I do, is watching people do it... Bleh. It is now my favorite time of year. I love when its 55-65 degrees outside! I need more sweaters.
I have a plethora of Tasty Bites Indian Food non-perishable meals and I have decided these will be my lunch for the next 3 weeks. Yogurt for breakfast. Shit from HEB for dinner. NO MORE EATING OUT. Must save money and must go to gym a lot. I start my weekend job doing demos on Saturday. Hope it goes well!
God I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. I have been enjoying old episodes lately while I work.... when I'm not having to train new people. The first 2 episodes of the current season have been great. :)
It is so gorgeous outside I should go for a walk on my break. I'm training someone at work (AGAIN) and dear god, it is brutal. The only thing more boring than what I do, is watching people do it... Bleh. It is now my favorite time of year. I love when its 55-65 degrees outside! I need more sweaters.
I have a plethora of Tasty Bites Indian Food non-perishable meals and I have decided these will be my lunch for the next 3 weeks. Yogurt for breakfast. Shit from HEB for dinner. NO MORE EATING OUT. Must save money and must go to gym a lot. I start my weekend job doing demos on Saturday. Hope it goes well!
God I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. I have been enjoying old episodes lately while I work.... when I'm not having to train new people. The first 2 episodes of the current season have been great. :)
Monday, October 9, 2017
all good things
People continue to read this blog thus I feel compelled to update it periodically. Can I just tell you how incredibly happy I am? Look, I'm full of shit. I was just saying a couple weeks ago that my happiness is not contingent on my relationship status with Billy, but that is a lie.
Sure, I could be happy with out him... it would probably take years. Who knows? I get asked out... a lot. I say no... always. So I havent really opened myself up to the possibility of being with another man let alone falling in love with one. I don't want to. I just want him. When I don't talk to him for a while I feel despondent. But after he called me last night and we talked, well I still feel elated and so looking forward to seeing him again. Less than 3 weeks now!
It's so likely we will be together again and I find myself daydreaming about our impending life together in California. It feels me with such joy and excitement. In the meantime, there is much work to be done and money to be made to make the aforementioned a reality. It's possible, but it won't be easy.
I got to visit with my grandfather for a bit today. I realized how much he's aged and felt a pang of fear that he and my grandmother may not be around for that much longer. I could be wrong, but I did lose my Grandma Hoffman last May. I'm definitely not ready to lose my last 2 remaining grandparents! I love them so much.
Six months ago, my life was so lonely and depressing. I has very few friends or had just lost touch w/ some of the ones I did have. And I didn't think I would ever see Billy again. I had gotten fat from excessive ice cream consumption. Haha. Things are so much better now. My last trip to Cali really helped me. More than seeing Billy, spending time with Michelle and Cassie was also really reaffirming that I have value as a person and as a friend. I was really lacking in feminine energy in my life. And then I reconnected with Lorelei here and made friends with Lauren. I feel so blessed to have some really good friends!
I am starting a 2nd job this weekend and a 3rd next week. I will have zero free time which is good b/c I will be spending lesson recreational activities. Work and sleep. But California is the endgame. I'm a very driven person and if I want something bad enough, I'll make it happen. So here I go.
Sure, I could be happy with out him... it would probably take years. Who knows? I get asked out... a lot. I say no... always. So I havent really opened myself up to the possibility of being with another man let alone falling in love with one. I don't want to. I just want him. When I don't talk to him for a while I feel despondent. But after he called me last night and we talked, well I still feel elated and so looking forward to seeing him again. Less than 3 weeks now!
It's so likely we will be together again and I find myself daydreaming about our impending life together in California. It feels me with such joy and excitement. In the meantime, there is much work to be done and money to be made to make the aforementioned a reality. It's possible, but it won't be easy.
I got to visit with my grandfather for a bit today. I realized how much he's aged and felt a pang of fear that he and my grandmother may not be around for that much longer. I could be wrong, but I did lose my Grandma Hoffman last May. I'm definitely not ready to lose my last 2 remaining grandparents! I love them so much.
Six months ago, my life was so lonely and depressing. I has very few friends or had just lost touch w/ some of the ones I did have. And I didn't think I would ever see Billy again. I had gotten fat from excessive ice cream consumption. Haha. Things are so much better now. My last trip to Cali really helped me. More than seeing Billy, spending time with Michelle and Cassie was also really reaffirming that I have value as a person and as a friend. I was really lacking in feminine energy in my life. And then I reconnected with Lorelei here and made friends with Lauren. I feel so blessed to have some really good friends!
I am starting a 2nd job this weekend and a 3rd next week. I will have zero free time which is good b/c I will be spending lesson recreational activities. Work and sleep. But California is the endgame. I'm a very driven person and if I want something bad enough, I'll make it happen. So here I go.
Friday, October 6, 2017
Lena Del Rey
I have the day off and I slept in until 8am! I get my stitches out at 11 and after that I'm getting some mutha effin' ramen at Daruma!
Last night, Todd and I went out and had a blast. We had some drinks at Valhalla, went to watch a band (Los Coast) play at Valhalla, and then got some grub at Arlo's. What a fun night and that band was amazing!
Later I will be putting some much needed time in at the gym after that huge peach fritter yesterday and week of no working out b/c of the stitches. I'm a little fluffy ATM.
3 weeks until Lana Del Rey! And LA! Soooooooo stoked.
💗
Thursday, October 5, 2017
💔
Feels sad.
Craves fat and sugar.
Walks to donut shop on break to buy donut.
Buys donut bigger than face. Peach fritter with cream cheese icing.
Cries while eating 1/4 donut. Gives 1/4 to the only coworker I kinda don't hate.
Goes home from work.
Strips down.
Stares at body in mirror to assess level of fatness.
Decides not too fat.
Eats remainder of donut while crying.
Craves fat and sugar.
Walks to donut shop on break to buy donut.
Buys donut bigger than face. Peach fritter with cream cheese icing.
Cries while eating 1/4 donut. Gives 1/4 to the only coworker I kinda don't hate.
Goes home from work.
Strips down.
Stares at body in mirror to assess level of fatness.
Decides not too fat.
Eats remainder of donut while crying.
Monday, October 2, 2017
work work work
Well I've picked up one other part time job to help supplement the income I am missing since I lost my Facebook gig. It's a trash valet at an apartment complex, picking up garbage and recycling outside people's doors from 8 to 11 Sunday through Thursday. And the pay is not great either. The draw is getting paid to walk up and down stairs for 3 hours 5 days a week though. Haha. I will be in such good shape! This is temporary too. Also, I will be so busy working my day job and this job, I will not have time to go do frivolous activities like drinking and dining out. So I'll be spending less and making (a little) money.
Tomorrow after work I have an interview for a banquet staff position on the weekends. Pay is $15/hour and its for weekend events. That's decent pay for banquet staffing. I've done the work before and know what to expect. I used to work weddings in Driftwood many years ago. It wasn't bad except for the time the best man grabbed me and shoved his tongue down my throat. That was... alarming. I guess I looked irresistible that day. That or the open tequila bar... or both. So if I get that job I will be busy weekends doing that.
Both aforementioned jobs together will still be less money than what I pulled in working for Facebook, but an extra $1000 a month is essential if I want to have enough money to move to LA. Rather than be bitter about losing that awesome job, I choose to be grateful that I had it as long as I did. And I choose to be proactive about finding solutions to remove any obstacle that stands between me and my goals.
My goals? Move to California. Find a great job using my degree. And be with the man I love. I was pretty much standing in my own way and my own obstacle for the latter. Mostly doing things that pushed him further away. I don't think I am doing that anymore. When I left LA last year and Billy ended things and cut off contact, I fell in to such a deep depression I lost my sense of self and any direction that I had. I got kinda obsessed too... believing he was the only thing in this world that would make me happy. Which is ridiculous b/c I was a mess when I was his girlfriend. I do believe we could be very happy together though and that we compliment each other well. I don't need him though and I no longer believe that he is the be-all end-all and essential to my happiness.
Honestly, I have my doubts about him lately. He has not shown me much kindness in the past year. I made mistakes and ruined our relationship and he was rightfully angry and pulled away. However, I've since made great strides and feel that it would be a good time to start anew with him. At least, that is what I want to propose when I see him next. I'm at an impasse for how things are currently. I really hope he is willing to give us a real chance again. To talk to me daily and to come visit me in Austin... and to make plans to start a life together when I move back to California.
I feel a lot of relief knowing that I'll be ok... and even happy eventually... should Billy choose not ever be with me again. Since I saw him, I have not been preoccupied worrying about him. I've been focused on my own life and goals. Though I'm blissfully content that he is a part of my life and that I get to look forward to seeing him again soon.
Today/last night was a sad day. ~58 people shot in Las Vegas and we lost Tom Petty. 😓😔 Tom Petty will always remind me of my dad. 💕
Tomorrow after work I have an interview for a banquet staff position on the weekends. Pay is $15/hour and its for weekend events. That's decent pay for banquet staffing. I've done the work before and know what to expect. I used to work weddings in Driftwood many years ago. It wasn't bad except for the time the best man grabbed me and shoved his tongue down my throat. That was... alarming. I guess I looked irresistible that day. That or the open tequila bar... or both. So if I get that job I will be busy weekends doing that.
Both aforementioned jobs together will still be less money than what I pulled in working for Facebook, but an extra $1000 a month is essential if I want to have enough money to move to LA. Rather than be bitter about losing that awesome job, I choose to be grateful that I had it as long as I did. And I choose to be proactive about finding solutions to remove any obstacle that stands between me and my goals.
My goals? Move to California. Find a great job using my degree. And be with the man I love. I was pretty much standing in my own way and my own obstacle for the latter. Mostly doing things that pushed him further away. I don't think I am doing that anymore. When I left LA last year and Billy ended things and cut off contact, I fell in to such a deep depression I lost my sense of self and any direction that I had. I got kinda obsessed too... believing he was the only thing in this world that would make me happy. Which is ridiculous b/c I was a mess when I was his girlfriend. I do believe we could be very happy together though and that we compliment each other well. I don't need him though and I no longer believe that he is the be-all end-all and essential to my happiness.
Honestly, I have my doubts about him lately. He has not shown me much kindness in the past year. I made mistakes and ruined our relationship and he was rightfully angry and pulled away. However, I've since made great strides and feel that it would be a good time to start anew with him. At least, that is what I want to propose when I see him next. I'm at an impasse for how things are currently. I really hope he is willing to give us a real chance again. To talk to me daily and to come visit me in Austin... and to make plans to start a life together when I move back to California.
I feel a lot of relief knowing that I'll be ok... and even happy eventually... should Billy choose not ever be with me again. Since I saw him, I have not been preoccupied worrying about him. I've been focused on my own life and goals. Though I'm blissfully content that he is a part of my life and that I get to look forward to seeing him again soon.
Today/last night was a sad day. ~58 people shot in Las Vegas and we lost Tom Petty. 😓😔 Tom Petty will always remind me of my dad. 💕
Sunday, October 1, 2017
thinking about ice cream
I can't figure out if I like marijuana or not. I sometimes enjoy edibles, other times it makes me alarmingly introspective and worrisome over nothing. I would much rather have edibles than smoke b/c of my asthma, but prefer the effect of just smoking a little pot. What a conundrum.
I am so bored! I've been pretty sedentary b/c of the stitches on my chest (where my derm removed the margins of a severely dysplastic mole). It was such a gorgeous weekend. I wish I could've gone swimming, biking, etc. I did go see Dave while he was working last night and that was fun. I shouldn't allow myself to get bored. I should find a good book to read.
I met a labradoodle that I may be pet sitting over Thanksgiving. She is a super sweet dog and I'd be staying at a condo on Rainey which would be fun being right on the hike and bike trail. Just gotta see if Sparkle and dog get along. I hope they do. 😊
I honestly do like my job but I wish it paid more. Now that I've lost my gig w/ Appen, I have been looking for a 2nd job. 2 interview this next week. Nothing great, but I just wanna be making as much as I can so I can move as planned.
Curb Your Enthusiasm tonight. Yay!
I am so bored! I've been pretty sedentary b/c of the stitches on my chest (where my derm removed the margins of a severely dysplastic mole). It was such a gorgeous weekend. I wish I could've gone swimming, biking, etc. I did go see Dave while he was working last night and that was fun. I shouldn't allow myself to get bored. I should find a good book to read.
I met a labradoodle that I may be pet sitting over Thanksgiving. She is a super sweet dog and I'd be staying at a condo on Rainey which would be fun being right on the hike and bike trail. Just gotta see if Sparkle and dog get along. I hope they do. 😊
I honestly do like my job but I wish it paid more. Now that I've lost my gig w/ Appen, I have been looking for a 2nd job. 2 interview this next week. Nothing great, but I just wanna be making as much as I can so I can move as planned.
Curb Your Enthusiasm tonight. Yay!
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