Things had been going so well...

Until my tenth week ultrasound today. The baby was still only measuring at 6 weeks (same as the first ultrasound) and there was no heartbeat. It took a second for that to really register with me, that I had lost the baby. A miscarriage. Tears poured down my face and I felt completely helpless. I love(d) this baby so much already, more than I even realized... and it was gone. Well, not actually gone. I have to take pills for that. I just picked them up at the pharmacy and a bunch of pads to sop up all the blood and whatever else my small fetus was composed of. I wonder why this happened. Was it something that I did wrong? Maybe. I was drinking for the first month b/c I had a period (implantation) and took a test that was negative. I had no idea. I am so sad. We both wanted this baby so bad. I feel like I've let Billy down. And Im terrified this will happen again. He really wants to be a father. If I can't give that to him, he might not want to be with me anymore. I want a baby so badly too. I wanted this baby. I had names picked out already.  I am so devastated and heartbroken by this loss. 😓😪😭

The only pic I will ever have of you b/c now you are gone: